These past three days have seen the completion of a 6-month-long training in body-centered psychotherapy. The title of the training was:

“The Body as Resource: Healing Trauma and Character Strategies”

As an overview: the workshop began with resourcing, noticing what resources we (as those who were taking the course and also “we” humans and potential clients) already have, how to notice them, how to bring them to the awareness of the client and how to engage them when we find ourselves in an unresourced situation. A resource here is a tool which we can, and do, use to keep ourselves grounded, to keep ourselves sane. A primitive resource than many people have is that of going into the fetal position when there is too much stress in their lives; or exercises such as going running to reduce worrying about issues – these are internal resources. An example of an external resource would be a friend, with whom we open our hearts and feel heard and thus feel more sane. In the training we are interested in building and cementing somatic (involving the body – soma) resources for our clients.

Once a client has a solid foundation in resources from which they can feel secure then their “window of tolerance” will have expanded allowing them and the therapist to delve deeper into the issues that trouble them while staying fully mindful.

Mindful is perhaps the most fundamental pillar in this work. It is mindfulness-based therapy. When a mindful therapist and a mindful client explore human trauma then, inevitably, fruitful conclusions arise. Mindfulness.

The world of Trauma is very diverse! We approached developmental trauma (example: having been bullied as a child, or being neglected by the parents) as well as trauma originating from one specific event (examples: hurricanes, car accidents, rape, torture) all with special importance as to how the body reacts to the trauma. The body, our body, is an amazingly efficient system and it can go through the most violent events and still keep us alive; yet sometimes it tends to stay protected/guarded long after the aggressive event occurred. To bring that somatic pattern to the clients mindful eyes can bring about great healing.

Throughout 6 months the group of 15 eager-minded people met in a small room and watched presentations, had discussions, did exercises, explored our human nature. A small group intent on bringing this beautiful god-work, healing work to everyone we know. And i’m leaving the 6 months feeling immensely grateful to everyone in the group who opened themselves so much. The training ended and I’m seeing everyone as whole.
Recommendations:

The Body Reveals – Ron Kurtz

Waking the Tiger – P. Levine

The mindful brain – Daniel Segal

Trauma and Recovery -

Facing the Dragon – Robert Moore

Nonviolent Communication – Marshall Rosenberg

The feeling of what happens – Antonio Damasio

Writings by Malidoma Some

The Felt Sense – Ann Weisner

And a little music to go with this post:

Yesterday was my last day of the craniosacral adventure. The previous entry on this blog was written during the first module of the training, known as C1, it was written on day 3…

I recall thinking and sensing that I had gotten a good idea of the work by then. By day 3!

I would like to make it clear that I had no clue as to what the work really was. Or perhaps, said more accurately, I had no idea as to the potential of the work, the depths which it was able to reach. ….

You see, to have an idea of the depths something can reach means that one already has a concept of those depths, they know how deep the well is and thus can say whether the rope and bucket will touch water… So, it wasn’t so much “the depths which it was able to reach” but more: the depth of the well itself. Or even the diameter of the well. Or even what it is made of.

I recall a post I once wrote called “limits“. That experience comes to mind.

As I sat on the sand and looked out at the ocean, realizing that I hadn’t just tested my limits of fear, I had dipped my toe in the waters of exploring myself – the ocean is vast beyond my ability to understand vastness.

In astrophysics we use light-years to measure distances. A light-year is an inconceivable distance. We have no notion of something that far. We can quantify in numbers how large the ocean is or how far the nearest galaxy is but they are only numbers – our minds have no concept of it.

Leaving both astrophysics and the waters of the Atlantic Ocean, looking inward now, inward turned, us, and acknowledging that we too have an inconceivable depth. Quantifiable, perhaps, yet beyond the minds’ ability to grasp.

Craniosacral workshop and the teachings went on far beyond that third day. The mind began to step out of the way, Bruno began to step out of the way, the experience began to take prime importance over the mind.

When I travel to a new country it takes 8-10 days before I arrive. My body is already there but my mind is not. Not to pick on the mind, it is awesome at doing its thing, and recognizing that living in the present is not what it prefers.

So i, the I, gently began to arrive at the workshop and to step out of the way.

And I began to experience what was there to be experienced. Surrender began to happen. Integration and release. The masks began to fall. I began to feel in the same depths where only those fish with those hundreds of little lightbulbs exist. Fish who have wisely given up their eyes – for those eyes we regard with such high esteem up here are useless down there – useless.

I began to see with new eyes. More accurately: I began to see with old eyes. The eyes that have always been there, closer to those true eyes. And as those eyes saw so unfolding took place. I could feel the thumbs on my teeth reaching far into my being. And behind the force of those thumbs was that force which began it all and moves it all. The recognition which my body felt upon once again being allowed to soak in that force from which it was born.

The body sank, the mind sank, the rush brought tears and sobs and yells and gasps for air. The back arched powerfully yet devoid of effort. I was accompanying, I was observing, I was supporting, I was arching, I was touching every inch of the skin of that Earth, this Earth, and yet I was not there at all.

Birth – Yet that is an event.

Anahata – the sound that is not made by two things striking together. The sound made by the energy of what the Universe is made of. What is that energy, that force, that all pervading radiance?

Call it God or Nature or Energy, call it Ananda – Love

What is it in the contact? What is it in the touch? in the voice? in those eyes and that smile and that eternally flowing hair?

Those are merely gates, passageways to the Essence.

Those are simply sirens, sitting in all their graciousness, upon the rocks of strange and unexplored shores of ourselves. With their voice in my ears and their fingers in my mouth beckoning me closer as I struggle with the breaking waves which they themselves placed there.

For I yearn to be with my siren, to feel her embrace, to hear her spine-chilling voice caressing my soul – the more I struggle to swim to her the closer to exhaustion I get and so I step out of the way, allowing for the currents to take me. My only guide now is myself, my body, my soul, my heart, my mind, trusting that they – I – will recognize home when I arrive there.

Craniosacral – suffice to say that this is magical work, work touched by shamans and lovers.  Healing work.  And I’m very grateful and appreciative of Hugh and Giorgia Milne as well as their assistants and, very importantly, all those who created and shared that healing space which I felt for 11 days.

And all I would want to say to my siren, beautifully expressed by Tim Buckley:

Song to the Siren – by Tim Buckley

Long afloat on shipless oceans
I did all my best to smile
til your singing eyes and fingers
Drew me loving to your isle
And you sang
Sail to me
Sail to me
Let me enfold you
Here I am
Here I am
Waiting to hold you

Did I dream you dreamed about me?
Were you hare when I was fox?
Now my foolish boat is leaning
Broken lovelorn on your rocks,
For you sing, touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow:
O my heart, o my heart shies from the sorrow

I am puzzled as the newborn child
I am troubled at the tide:
Should I stand amid the breakers?
Should I lie with death my bride?
Hear me sing, swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you:
Here I am, here I am, waiting to hold you

 

Day 3 of either 8 or 12… still unsure as to whether I’ll stop after cranial II or go all the way to cranial III.  The work has been delicious, the teachers and facilitators have been 100% – present, honest, sharing, giving… managing 40 eager students to help co-create a beautiful safe space.

This is a Milne workshop, led by Hugh and Giorgia Milne.  Everyday is filled with visionary insight-based work as well as anatomy.  What I really appreciate is how there is no spiritual/linear split; the anatomy is looked at as manifestations of the energetic, keys to, and of, the energetic.  The work is energetic, fundamentally that is what we are doing and this emphasis is not lost no matter how “linear” we go.

Since it is led by Hugh and Giorgia everyday is also infused with its dose of humour, creation of sacred space, tradition, innovation, freedom of expression, sharing of smiles, opening to believing in one’s heart and much much more.  These are gifted communicators who have been teaching for decades and practicing for … time is a human construct.

Today was the third day, we contact the zygomaticus as well as the maxilla.  Two very powerful places.  In addition to these contacts I went out on a limb and decided to have a professional session by Steve (Schumacher?!), a teacher and practitioner from Kentucky.  I was honored, respected, and guided along not a craniosacral session (as I had imagined it could possibly be) but along a journey of exploration into myself.  I checked in at the beginning of the session with a healthy working body and mind and wanting to learn more about my whole self and left feeling that my temple was honored as it is, respected, touched, and that from that honoring and presence came true insight by someone with well-trained eye giving me their full attention.

I felt blessed.

There is much more for me to learn and I feel like a kid in a candy store, a swimmer in the middle of an open water marathon swim, a tennis player in the zone at 2am in a lone court with a friend.  I feel curious and resourced.

Ahhh….

Sending out love as I go to bed tonight.

Done!  Not exactly Dr. Bruno yet but all I need to do is send in the certificate and I’ll be LMT – Licensed Massage Therapist.

thanks you thank you thank you

I’d like to take this moment to thank my parents for supporting me through all these years of hard work, my dogs, my lovely wife, my speedo’s, and, of course, Her – the great woman governing this whole mess.

No music, just the sound of the breath, of the feet, even the presence of the silence. Two bodies moving together, not following or leading – in unison, one organism though the distance between them changes (what is distance?) and the perception of time is warped (what is time?).

I had the opportunity to watch and dance with two very experienced contact improvisational dancers this past Sunday.

So, this past weekend was the fourth get together of this amazing group of individuals interested in learning and exploring the realm of body-centered psychotherapy.

Led by Michael Broas and held at the Florida School of Massage a group of 14 or so congregates for 3 consecutive days of every month to sit and share and learn.  The theme is body-centered psychotherapy, an area of study which had its beginnings in the work of Wilhelm Reich and, probably more strongly defined by Alexander Lowen, a student of Reich in the mid 20th century.

Alexander Lowen is still alive, having been born in 1910 and founded the IIBA, International Institute for Bioenergetic Analysis.  Bioenergetics: http://www.bioenergetic-therapy.com/  “Bioenergetics is a way of understanding personality in terms of the body and its energetic processes. Bioenergetic Analysis is a form of therapy that combines work with the body and the mind to help people resolve their emotional problems and realize more of their potential for pleasure and joy in living.”

From Lowen’s work then came many others such as Ron Kurtz and Pat Ogden and it is their approach to understanding both character (character strategies) and trauma that we, during this workshop, focus on.

Each meeting has been blessed with learning and two more weekends await us.

Yippeeee!  “Congratulations!  You have passed the Massage & Bodywork Licensing Examination (MBLEx)”

Unfortunately Florida is not one of the states that accepts the MBLEx for licensure… hehe gotta take another “learning experience”

8:38pm and I’m sitting at my office staring at computer monitors for hours, I know what I am good at doing and passionate about and this is not it.   The other day I calculated that out of the 12 hours I had been awake I had spent 10 of those in front of a monitor!!!!

Today is Monday and on Wednesday I’ll be taking the FSMTB mystery exam.  Mystery in that nobody knows what kind of questions to expect from them since they just started offering exams through FSMTB.  And mystery because it is unknown whether I will be allowed to obtain my license even if I do pass this exam (for it hasn’t yet been recognized by the massage powers.

Love love love.

 ”To seek Mind with the discriminating mind

is the greatest of all mistakes.”

I have been sitting with this.

Thursday and Friday.

6 months have gone by! Those 6 months which, it seems, not too long ago I was looking at questioning whether I was going to make it…. done. Sometimes there is so much to write that I feel it is best to not write anything at all… but writing nothing does not feel right either!!
What I need is the “!!” in chess. The “?” is a bad move, the “?!” is an interesting, but probably bad move, the “!?” is interesting, out of the box move, the “!” is the right move, conventional, and the “!!” is reserved for the one-of-a-kind move. That move that is not in the theory and is just so perfect.
I compare it to just the right words to whisper in your clients’ ear during the massage. Or just the right ingredient in the food, the ingredient that leaves people asking “what is IN that?!”. That is the “!!”, those are the words I need to describe, in a few sentences, how I feel about these past 6 months.
In those sentences are would include how much my perspective on people has changed, how listening to others open their hearts and share their process has opened my heart to be able to really hear them! How we all started together but not together, then went through phases of so together that we were one, and how now I feel some have reached puberty and want to run away from the parents whereas the others are in a state which can be described with either an analogy to having bypassed puberty altogether and embracing those last moments with their family, soaking their wisdom as much as they can and experiencing the unconditional love that sometimes arises in those ephemeral moments, or like the infant who was just born and is being blinded by the light at the same time as enjoying the warmth of the suckling, enjoying the unconditional love which is all they know. I would include the bond (not the attachment) that has developed between myself and many of my partners; to them I would say, again, “I love you”.
I would include the love I feel for the new group of beautiful human beings that have joined the school, that I want to embrace and welcome every day I see them!